Empathy vs Sympathy

We often use the word empathy in workplace conversations, yet it can mean very different things to different people. More critically, it’s often confused with sympathy. That confusion can undermine the very connections we’re trying to build.

Research in workplace psychology shows this misunderstanding can affect team dynamics, engagement, and leadership effectiveness. The difference between empathy and sympathy isn’t merely semantics: it is fundamental to creating safe, productive workplaces.

The Problem with Sympathy

When we show sympathy, we usually mean well. However, sympathy often says, indirectly, ‘I feel sorry for you. I’m okay, you’re not.’

This creates an unequal dynamic, because instead of building connection, it risks leaving people feeling patronised or dismissed. Consequently, sympathy tends to shut conversations down rather than open them up. By contrast, workplace empathy helps conversations deepen and trust to grow.

What Does Empathy Really Mean?

Professor Simon Baron-Cohen, neuroscientist and author of Zero Degrees of Empathy, defines empathy as having two components:

Cognitive empathy: identifying another person’s thoughts and feelings.

Affective empathy: responding appropriately to those thoughts and feelings.

Both matter. Without the second, however, understanding can slip into manipulation.

The Three Dimensions of Empathy

Indeed, empathy at work is more complex than many leaders realise. It covers three distinct dimensions:

Thinking empathy: perspective-taking, vital for communication and feedback.

Sharing empathy: is crucial for rapport, but risky if it leads to burnout. We saw an example of this during the pandemic with frontline staff.

Caring empathy: the motivation to help, which sets outstanding leaders apart.

Strong leadership requires all three, yet many leaders don’t know these distinctions exist, let alone how to strengthen them.

Empathy Often Feels Harder Than It Should

Even good leaders struggle with empathy, and the reasons are deeper than being ‘too busy’.

Biology: the brain uses the same pathways for self-reflection and empathy. Leaders focused only on results may leave those pathways underdeveloped.

Power: research shows empathy often declines as authority rises. This isn’t from corruption, but from a reduced survival need to connect.

Behavioural preferences: some styles favour facts and results over feelings, which makes empathy less natural without deliberate effort.

There are also hidden barriers, from prejudice and authority pressure to the distance we feel from people outside our circle. These challenges show why empathy in leadership is a capability that needs to be developed deliberately.

The Neuroscience of Connection

When we experience pain, the brain’s anterior cingulate cortex activates. The same region lights up when we see someone else in pain.

This mirror neuron system shows we are wired to connect. As Matthew Lieberman’s research suggests, humans aren’t ‘sealed units’. We constantly absorb and reflect the emotional states of people around us.

The opportunity for leaders is to harness this natural wiring to create empathy in organisations, cultures where people bring their best thinking forward.

Empathy in Action

Awareness is only the first step. Leaders need practical skills they can use to turn empathy in the workplace into consistent behaviour:

• Make curiosity a daily habit.
• Expand your circle beyond your immediate team.
• Use communication frameworks that show genuine understanding.
• Recognise and adapt to different behavioural preferences.
• Build psychological safety through empathetic practices.

These aren’t ‘soft skills’. They’re the foundation of effective leadership and lasting empathy in teams.

The Business Value of Empathy

Workplace empathy doesn’t mean avoiding hard conversations. Empathetic leaders still give honest feedback and make tough calls, but they do it in a way that builds trust. The results speak for themselves:

• Higher engagement and retention.
• Better communication and collaboration.
• Increased creativity and innovation.
• Stronger customer service.

Leadership is not purely about being in charge. It’s about being responsible for the people who do the work. When times are tough, empathetic leaders protect their people and deliver results.

The Path Forward

The encouraging news is that our capacity for empathy isn’t fixed. We can expand our empathy range with the right awareness, tools, and practice. The more we work at it, the stronger those neural networks become.

Ultimately, the real question is: are you leading with sympathy, or with empathy?

To explore this topic in depth, with examples of everyday approaches and brain-based tools, watch our webinar Empathy in the Workplace: How to Build a More Engaged and Productive Team.

If you’re interested in learning how Jigsaw Discovery can help your leaders develop their empathy skills and build more engaged teams, get in touch.